Your life is not a democracy (if you read nothing else I’ve written, read this…..)

We are told to listen to people.  You know.  People.  Them.

We are told that other people are right, and our inner knowing is wrong.  That the majority is right, and we alone – we all alone are wrong.  That experts are right, and we are wrong.  We must consult, and be led, and take votes.  We must obey.

We are told that others are wiser than ourselves, that we should do as we are told, that we should be led through life by the thoughts and expectations of those around us.

Excuse me, but….  NO


If you are going to hold elections on how you live your life, this I tell you – give out just one vote.  To yourself.

Democracy is for groups.  It’s for things that equally impact on everyone.  It rocks, for more than one person.

Consultation?  That’s for things you don’t know as much about as the other person does.

Consultation doesn’t work with your own life.

You are the expert on your own life.  You know you better than anyone.

You are the sovereign, despot, totalitarian EMPRESS OF FRIKKING EVERYTHING in your life.


You get to live with the consequences of your choices.  You get to choose.  You’d better choose what works for you, because those experts?  The voting crowd?  They get to bail on the consequences.

You don’t ever get to bail.

So, creative being, hear this!

In order to do your best work, in order to give your gifts out to the world, you must align yourself only with those who best resonate with what you are doing.

Not sycophants and underlings, of course, those who want something from you and say what you want to hear.  Pass those by.

Find your “oh-yes-wow” people.

Your “you’ve-totally-got-this” people.

Your very own “I-totally-get-you” people.  

The “where-do-I-sign-up-for-this-ride-it-looks-fun” people.

People who value and trust you and love what you do.

Who don’t freak out when you do your thing, but wait it out, knowing you will figure it out yourself.

Your people.  Find your people.  Listen to your people.

Be their yes-wow person.  Love them, trust them, let them cheer you on and cheer them till your voice catches with joy in your throat at how awesome they are.

Give them the space to rule their own lives, completely.  It’s not your business.  Just cheer, and sometimes offer tea.  Or coffee. Or, you know, wine…..

Group hug your people.  Stand by your people even when they mess up big time.

The rest…..

…..the I’m-not-sure-about you people

…the I-don’t-get-you-please-be-different people….

…..the I-could-do-this-better-let-me-tell-you-how people.

…….. ‘this-ride-looks-good-let-me-drive-it’ people.

Let them walk on past you, with love.  

Give them a wave and a smile, don’t be angry, they’re just doing their thing – it has nothing to do with you.  It really, really doesn’t.

Then, turn your focus back to your people.  Keep it there.

You will never please everybody.

You probably won’t even please most people.

Why would you even want to?

It’s most important you please yourself, if you please yourself.  If you stay true to who you are.  If you give your gifts with no compromise, and hold your space, and speak your truth loudly over the buzz of ‘I don’t get yous’……

Then this,

….this will please your people.


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Your life is not a democracy (if you read nothing else I’ve written, read this…..) — 20 Comments

  1. Thanks for writing this, Jani.
    I have not told you yet, I read and liked a couple of things in your blog already. But this is more. It just feels so right for me at the very moment… I was stuck in the middle of a cover letter, struggling with the too much formatted style, when I came into this. It resonated, strong.

    All right, but I should focus on my letter now, not on some nice and creative stuff, that’s not the time, I thought. Oh wait. Did I just oppose cover letter and nice and creative? Am I sitting there trying to work on something just the way other people think it should be done, the way I have been told to do? Can’t I forget the pattern and just focus on my own-wow-self and what I would love to do in that job I would really like?

    My letter is not done yet, but thanks to you, it feels much more like me now. And I feel so much better about finishing it.
    I will definitely keep in mind what you wrote. For way more than just writing cover letters. Yeah!

  2. So pleased it came at the right time for you! Thanks for your lovely comment 🙂

  3. Thanks for this Jani! I think I am not the only one who needed this. I will think of this when I need to handle negative comments that were never asked for in the first place.

  4. Jani…I think YOU are one of my people! How fucking cool is that?!?!?
    Seriously, I really needed to hear this. I sometimes let “them” get me down. That’s when I need to get back to my people. I’m very fortunate to have a tribe of them. I’d love for you to be one of my people, too!

  5. Loving this, and living this. With you totally – and glad to find your blog – we’ve been Fb friends a while, HOW did I not know you have a blog in synch with my thinking???

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  7. My inner rebel loves this blog post! Great read. It cheered me up right away.
    Thank you.
    Nice getting to know you.

  8. Seriously, Jani, I <3 you!

    This is one helluva awesome post, and reminds me of what it is that *I* think I should be doing about my situation.

    Thanks at least one million, very possibly more!

  9. Just what needed to hear…ive printed it off and stuck it in my journal for those yukky days when I feel pants 🙂